I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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