Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
