Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
