how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it's great music for shaving your balls
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
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We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize