Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
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