i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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