i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
