Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
