i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
