1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize