I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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