is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
