I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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