She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
