there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
