You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
