....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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