How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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