i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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