remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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