He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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