so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ladies don't puke and tell
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
