He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
