Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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