girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
