I could make wine with my vomit
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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