I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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