She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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