i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
