Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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