Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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