i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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