Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
