fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
