This house was built for laser tag.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
