You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Drunk is not a location!
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