It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
