Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize