Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You need Xanax blowdarts
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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