HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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