pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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