We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
