I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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