Just fell off a train. Bad.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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