I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
