We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No subtext here. People are naked.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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