So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
