Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
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Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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