What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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