PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
