I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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