Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
