never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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