Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
