Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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