I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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