You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
