I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
