A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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