the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
