Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The struggles of a small town man whore
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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