i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Bring me that man meat
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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