Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
