i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
