Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
